The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize