shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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