that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I won the penis lottery.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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