I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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