I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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