I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
