we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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