Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
