The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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