I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
