Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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