she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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