One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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