You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
