I think I won the penis lottery.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
