i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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