what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
