If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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