Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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