i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Farmville is her only friend.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
