u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?