I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING