Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n