And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
