there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...