Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"