So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.