I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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