I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
