things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
