Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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