At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
