just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
