I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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