Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
