I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
