smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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