Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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