I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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