her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
