sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
