i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
