i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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