You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
