I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
