Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The air was thick with penises
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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