she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
