pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
