The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
