paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have already put on my inside pants.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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