Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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