dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He shit in the fireplace
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
