Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
