I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
