Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
