Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
