you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
