I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
