What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize