she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
