My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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