The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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