Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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