It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
