I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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