He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
