If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
