Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
