I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
