I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
