I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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