her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
