There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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