I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm jealous of your bromance
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
