He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
