dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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