Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
