how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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