Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
