I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
