In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
