i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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