We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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