He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
