ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
