I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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